Throw on your favorite sitcom, head to the movie theater or pick up a classic piece of literature, and you’ll find recurring motif: all these couples dance away “happily ever after.” Even scrolling through your social media feeds can have you wondering, “Is my relationship normal?” especially when it comes to sex and intimacy.
“We have lots of expectations about how relationships are ‘supposed’ to look,” says Dr. Logan Levkoff, who received her PhD in human sexuality, marriage and family life education from New York University. “Many times, this fairy-tale model doesn’t mimic our lives or our realities.”
How Often Should You Have Sex?
Regarding sex — and how much we “should” be having — Levkoff says there’s no ‘normal,’ and that all relationships are different. “Normal” is whatever feels fulfilling for you and your partner, and communication plays a key role in making sure both parties feel fulfilled.
That said, a 2017 study that appeared in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that the average adult currently enjoys sex 54 times a year, which equates to about once a week. This is less sex, by about nine per year, compared to a similar study done in the 1990s. Interestingly, though, another study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science — which surveyed over 30,000 Americans over 40 years for three different projects — discovered that a once weekly frequency was the Goldilocks standard for happiness. Couples who had sex more than once a week didn’t report being any happier, and those who had sex less than once a week reported feeling less fulfilled.